Saturday, August 16, 2008
A Sleepy Chicken Dinner ♥ 12:21 AM
I grilled a chicken for dinner. Well, I roasted it....on the grill. Yum. And I made mashed potatoes and corn too. Double yum. But I ate so much that I passed out at like 8. Oops. It was delicious, and I loved it. So did Max.
So I woke up at midnight, with BBCAmerica turned up a bit too loud. And since DeathProof is blocked, I'm watching Bubble Boy. Cute, right? Whatever.
I still can't find my shirt, and I have a shit ton of chores to do. I haven't vaccuumed or anything since Ma has been gone and she gets back at like three tomorrow. Or today. Whatever. So my alarm is set for 8am so that I can get up and pick up the house. I'm not looking forward to it. But who gives a shit, right?
So at Walmart I bought a new wallet. It's super cute but it isn't my LV one, that's for sure. Thanks to Chassis and Gunner, that one got destroyed. And I also went overboard and bought Blue Harvest and the Robot Chicken Star Wars special. And the Dark Knight novel, and Catcher in the Rye. Oh, and smokes. I was happy for a minute, but now I have just enough money to fill my tank and get one more pack of smokes. =/ Atleast I move into my dorm Friday. It would be Satuday but it turns out I work that day. I haven't worked a weekend shift yet. Good thing I took off a whole week from work for nothing. Way to lie to me! ALRIGHT! But school starts in like, a week and three days...ish. And I have already lost all motivation to do anything. It's times like this that make me see the worthless, meaningless days ahead in my life. I have everything to prove and want to prove nothing. It really is hopeless I tell you. Forcing myself to achieve at something that really could do absolutely nothing for me. I have no clue what I want to do with my life, yet I'm spending government money and my time and my mom's energy to go to school for fucking nothing. That's just school. I'm way too tired, and mentally drained, to go into my feelings about shitty jobs, my friends and family, and my views on the rest of the world.
Speaking of the world.....so help me, I better not hear one more person talk to me about Russia vs. Georgia. Seriously, right now I'm not worried about it. I don't care if I should be, either. At this very moment in time, it does not concern me. When I find out I have a friend being shipped there, THEN I'll fucking worry about it. Call me crazy, but didn't everyone already know that Russia is a bitch? It's old news. Remember the Cold War? So get over it, atleast stop worrying about it. Did you really expect Russia to be nice forever? Psh. Yeah right.
I could use a hug right now. And usually, I'm not big on hugs, atleast not from random people or partial friends. But, I could use a hug that means something, ya know?
Want to hear something funny and kinda pathetic? I hurt LESS when I accept that I got played. I feel better about myself when I tell myself that he was lying the entire time, that I wasn't someone special and amazing and that he only wanted one thing. I hurt more when I try to tell myself that he did actually care. I am so relieved to finally see what really happened. The only thing is, am I so lonely that I'm pretending to believe everything that people say just to have someone near me? Or am I just getting more and more ignorant and everyone else is getting better at lying to the rest of the world?
I was so happy behind my mask, I was so happy when I was hiding from society. Well, I'm back. My mask has returned!
Half of me truly hates you for your lack of compassion. The other half is...well....lost.
Good night,
Cherry Darling
The End.